End of Year Grief: 5 steps for processing through unmet expectations as you start 2024
Did 2023 not go as you hoped?
Are you dealing with some unmet expectations, and as a result, some unwanted emotions?
Me too.
2023 kinda sucked.
It's been great in so many ways but it's been arguably one of the heaviest year of my life. MAYBE even heavier (in a way) than when we lost our first baby in 2021 and immediately embarked on a 10+ month journey of facing an {almost} cancer diagnosis and some acute liver + kidney failure scares.
And honestly it feels so WRONG to say this year had been harder than that year…
Why?
Because that stuff feels like it should be worse. We lost a child and I went through some of the scariest medical challenges to date…and yet 2023 was…ROUGH too. I'm medically stable, mentally healthier than ever, and I genuinely love our little life.
Why was it so heavy then??
Because I expected it to go differently.
I expected the worst was behind me for a season.
And my expectations were not met.
Like at all (lol).
I pray through and pick a “Word for the Year” every year and I plan my goals around ways I can embody that word in the year ahead. For each of the last 3 years, I carried unconscious expectations in and left each year feeling like hope was misplaced.
Here's a glimpse at what I mean:
2021 word: “Surrender”
Hope: the year hoped would bring healing, success, and adventure as a newly married wife and new business owner embarking on a new chapter of life in a new culture and new place.
Reality: I lost so much and endured more emotional + physical pain than I thought I could. I had to “surrender” more than I would've been willing to surrender had you told me what this year carried.
2022 word: “Prune”
Hope: I hoped to move on. To grieve and put the past behind me. To let God prune away all the parts of me that weren't serving him, my family, or myself. I hoped this “pruning” would bring growth to my business, my marriage, and myself.
Reality: It turns out what needed pruning was my pride 😓 and when your pride gets challenged…anger, frustration, and all your flaws are “sifted” to the surface. This was a heavy year of learning just how much I didn't know.
2023 word: “breakthrough”
Hope: Like a plant that gets “pruned” in the right season, I hoped a year of pruning would produce breakthrough: leading to more + better fruit than ever before. More fruit in my marriage, my friendships, my clients, my business, and my faith.
Reality: this has been a very lonely year. Rather than my version of “breakthrough,” it's been a year of even more “breaking.” I can't tell you how many times I've prayed “GOD when will it end???!!” So many beautiful things have happened this year that I'm so grateful for, and it's all been a result of all the “breaking” up until now. All the beauty, ANSWERED prayers, and the bounty of fruit that was and is being produced seem tainted by the heaviness of how it all had to come about. I think the guilt of being weighed down by the breaking in the midst of so much to be grateful for is what makes this year harder than years past- I know I should be hopeful, glad, and full of joy... but it’s harder to focus on those things then I like to admit because everything is just so dang heavy.
You see, here's the thing about pursuing change of the body-
Change of the MIND + HEART must come first.
Change- even health and body change- will not look like you hope it will.
Yet, unmet hope or expectations does not mean you're NOT on the right track.
On the contrary, unmet expectations and continuing to work hard and remain steadfast in the wake of unmet expectations are NECESSARY for success.
So what do you do with this “End of Year Grief” as you process through unmet expectations?
Do you avoid it? No.
Do you refuse to talk about it? No.
Do you try to make light of it and try to “should” yourself into submission and make it seem better than it is? No.
You CHOOSE to accept it.
It happened.
It sucks.
It hurts.
But you're not done yet.
And there's so much to learn.
So much to explore.
So much to hope for.
So much to be grateful for.
Let me walk WITH you today through this end of the year grief by walking you through my strategy for making space to process.
Step 1: REFLECT. What were you hoping for this year? Were those hopes met? If not, why? What happened?
Step 2: BE GRATEFUL. What GOOD came out of the unexpected this year? Take a minute to find 10+ things to be grateful for.
Step 3: LEARN. What did you learn this year? How will those lessons serve you in the months and years ahead? How will these lessons serve you as you continue to pursue body + health change?
Step 4: MOVE FORWARD. you may not be ready to move on and “put it behind you.” That's OK. Honestly, I think we're always meant to carry a piece of painful lessons with us till our time on earth is done. So how can you move FORWARD (even just a tiny baby step) intentionally?
Step 5: ASK FOR HELP. You weren't meant to do any part of life alone…even if your pride has convinced you you're capable. How can you let somebody in to navigate some of this yourself?
You got this. Process. Rest. Recharge. Just don't wallow too long, ok? Rest intentionally now so you can step into the rest of 2024 ready to make some changes that will rejuvenate you in all the right ways.
And if you need someone to walk that road with you, I do still have a few coaching spots left ;) would you consider letting me tackle 2024 WITH you? Click here for coaching details.
All my best,
Coach B
